#this realization was a game changer for me

[fogemorfem]

I'd also like to point out that it's not uncommon for people to "lose" years of their life this way. I felt horrible for having wasted so much time with an abusive partner as I was healing from it. But after a while I realised that people rarely have a perfect life the way we might think we're supposed to.

People have mental health issues, physical problems, they end up in abusive relationships or addiction, and that's not even talking about that there are children of addicts or abusers, etc., who don't even get a good start. I realised that people keep fucking up until they learn how to do this life thing in a way that works for them. And bad things happening and learning how to deal with it isn't being side-tracked or losing time - it is part of the journey.

Realising that I hadn't failed at life for "wasting" my youth with an abuser made me kinder to myself, and also made me realise I was surrounded by people with their own journeys. There's no rush. We're finding our way as we go.

something important to remember is that there's always time. if you lost many years to abuse or mental illness, you will get a chance to live life on your terms. there is no limit on the age you have to be to achieve goals. you can go back to school at 30, or switch careers at 40. you can start new hobbies at any age. there is no cut off age for being happy and content. if you're trapped right now, you will get the opportunity to become who you want to be.

[jen-kellen]

All the corrupted namecards from Game Changer episode Deja Vu

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s2 episode 20 thoughts

oh man! i really loved this episode. no aliens, no overarching plot, just some silly shenanigans and yeah, some murder, but in a far more lighthearted fashion than in other cases. filler episodes i love you soooo much <3

from the beginning, i thought the prompt sounded really good... shoutout to people who work in sideshows and other touring entertainment industries, y’all are real for that��

we open with some kids laughing under a full moon… nothing could be scarier… except SOMEONE WATCHING THEM!

and whoever it is, they are approaching the pool with feet out. where are their parents to safeguard them from stranger danger, i ask into my screen!

OH he is the dad!! what was once scary has now turned heartwarming. he splashes about in the pool with them and says they need to get ready for bed. aww. 

BUT NOW SOMEONE IS WATCHING HIM IN THE POOL!! NOOO the heartwarming session HAS BEEN CANCELLED... is he being EATEN???

(as he is killed, the camera shows a van with the words “alligator man” on it... at first i'm thinking that the alligator man was the creature who just Ate this guy, but turns out the father WAS alligator man, so named for his skin condition. rest in peace mister alligator, the world is a worse place for ur loss)

and now the agents are looking into his murder :(

(also, in the opening credits, we see that one of the guest stars is named “the enigma”... I’ll have to look into their work)

mulder says there have been a lot of murders in this fashion over the last 28 years, and they have been going all over the country!!! it seems to involve some sort of round bite mark. must be time to go investigate.

they roll up the the alligator man's funeral. honestly it is sad! and we see that the widow slash mother of the kids is a bearded lady and she is absolutely serving but this is a very sorrow-filled moment for them all

and interrupting the moment in which his community remembers the warmth he brought to their town, his casket starts moving… and someone emerges from the ground… and stabs himself in the chest with a spike???? HUH???

so the deceased was an escape artist but was forced into the sideshow circuit because of his skin condition… scully says she didn’t know sideshows were still a thing… which is honestly fair because it is a very vintage sort of entertainment. and they have a Not So Great history.

BUT if the people who live in this town in the summer are all traveling performers.. and if they have been touring for years... and the murders go on for years… hmm, it seems things are starting to add up

mulder notices a drawing of a creature on the menu of the restaurant they are sitting in, and he asks who drew it. why, the sheriff says, it's the artist named hepcat, of course! cut to him tending to his freaky mermaid. he describes his scary maze business as “a tabernacle of terror” 

mulder asks what the drawing on the menu was, and i was thinking, hmm, looks like the fiji mermaid, and hepcat says it is the fiji mermaid, and mulder doesn't seem to recognize it?? i assume this is one of those situations where he acts like he doesn't know what is going on to get more information because i feel like that is Exactly the sort of thing he has read about at length. like i had him pegged as a guy who could write a dissertation on the subject at the drop of a hat. so i think he's lying but narrative wise it isn't fully revealed. 

scully: “what’s the fiji mermaid?” hepcat: “it’s the fiji mermaid!” <- thanks this clears up a lot <3

mulder is acting surprised to hear that the top half of the fiji mermaid was a monkey, which i again assume to be an act? but he says that the tracks at the murder look monkey-ish. so perhaps there is a correlation...? between the very active murder case and that time PT barnum sewed a monkey and a fish together? hey, the dots aren't connecting for me, but i don't work for the fbi so what do i know

they go to get a place to stay and the guy operating the rental place, a kind and verbose fellow with dwarfism named mr. nutt, gives them their keys. and mulder asks if had worked in the circus, (and since everyone they have met so far has in fact done so, i feel that this was a fair question, but maybe i also deserved what follows), and mr. nutt really lays into him about making judgements, and maybe some people with dwarfism want to manage hotels...

and as all of this goes down scully just observes. wow. she let him flounder. lmao.

the man carrying their bags is named lanny, and he has a conjoined twin sort of situation, it's not entirely clear- but he says mr. nutt got him to work there because he believed it was undignified to work in the circus. hmm.

back to hepcat at his studio… listening to some groovy music... and something crawls in his window… looking like the fiji mermaid. and it BITES him.

next morning. mulder going for a jog. in a sweatshirt and sweatpants in florida heat. what in the hell was he thinking??? let’s analyze that while a man chomping a fish emerges from the river. we receive no real clarification on what is going on in either of their minds.

scully in bed. alerted to a murder by lanny. still in a robe. we get a shot of her chest and also lanny's brother that felt mutually uncomfortable. SMH no rest for her!

okay, examining the scene of the murder. mulder notices some blood on a little window and WHY DID HE TOUCH THE BLOOD NASTY!!!! NASTY!!!

they deduce that to fit in the window, the suspect would have to be a contortionist…. and they walk out to see a contortionist. it’s the spike guy that so disrespectfully ruined the funeral!!

he puts a nail up his nose in front them. and mulder pulls the nail out. probably to get some blood. not an easy watch still.

we learn here that the guy with the puzzle tattoos who was eating the fish in the river earlier is called “The Conundrum”, and the spike guy slash contortionist is dr. blockhead

dr. blockhead gives the conundrum a bunch of crickets and he gulps them up; then he offers crickets to the agents and scully TAKES one, says thanks, eats it, and leaves LMAOOO????? never let them guess your next move....

mulder is staring at her trying to figure out if he is in love with a woman that just ate a cricket and if this is something she does regularly and JUST KIDDING!!! she didn't eat it silly!!! she "reveals" the lil cricket behind mulder’s ear awww... her uncle was a magician <3

(he also does a lil slight of hand trick and pulls out the bloody nail, saying "everyone's uncle was an amateur magician", which i am sure they can bond over at a later date)

scully goes to a museum that says "freaks free, everyone else leave a donation" and she puts in some money… publicly declared non-freak 

this guy at the museum is touching her. don’t care for that. but I like that he knows lots of random information. and he won’t show his whole face, we as the audience only see him through mirrors. very cool framing device.

he says he will take her back and show her something of barnum’s for another $5 and sworn secrecy. good luck bucko; last time she was told to keep a secret (affair baby) the SECOND she was reunited with mulder the tea had been spilled LMAOOO. he hands her a paper featuring jim jim the dog faced boy, who, dare i say it, seems to be a king.

he leads her into the back rooms… scary. but her trench coat is serving though

okay, deep in the back is a trunk. and it’s empty and opens an exit door. NOOO she was scammed! it’s all part of the hustle. 

(well, that is what i THOUGHT, at least, until she realizes it leads to the sheriff's house, and things are adding up...)

mulder sees something crawling about. it’s the guy who owns the rental space, mr. nutt, under scully's trailer! he asks why he is under there and mr. nutt says he is NOT being creepy. mulder flirts with the man and he runs away LMAO... weaponized bisexuality 

agents are in the trailer having a nerd off and it’s not clear who is winning and there is romantic tension. sheriff hamilton used to be jim jim the dog faced boy???? what a reveal!!!

we are watching them watch the sheriff dig a hole during a full moon. average agent bonding activities. he buried something in the ground and goes inside. 

they are in his yard digging up what he was just digging and mulder has taken his earlier roasting to heart and says “we’re being highly discriminatory here” and clarifies that’s no reason to suspect him of being a werewolf and it’s like well. i don’t know that we both thought he was a werewolf. they pause to consider the moral weight of their actions then keep going.

uh oh! sheriff catches them!!! not a good look being caught digging something up. “We’re exhuming… your potato” is the best line that usually quick-tongued mulder could come up with, which had me losing my MIND and i proceeded to write a very long keysmash to express my amusement

“may I ask why?” (she starts monologing about serial killers taking positions in law enforcement and needing to monitor him as as suspect, and it’s convincing) (he cuts in: “we found out you used to be a dog-faced boy” STOP THIS IS SOOOO FUNNY) and she looks soooooo guilty!!

he doesn’t deny it and says he started balding on his head which put him out of a job. fair enough, gotta pay the bills.

next genius dialogue exchange: “that doesn’t explain the potato” “I got some warts on my hand” “...that doesn’t quite explain the potato” 

(i kept having to pause in rapid succession to write these lines down because i was laughing SO hard)

has anyone thought that maybe a man wants to bury a potato in his yard in peace…. like that’s how we get more potatoes…

“to get rid of warts you rub a sliced potato on your hand and bury it under a full moon” <- new life hack just dropped!!

nooooooo the conundrum is chasing the dog… dog escaped. everyone is pleased. he brings a check to mr. nutt and it’s rent!! king of paying his bills on time. but dog is still barking... NOOOOO MERMAID ATTACK ON MR. NUTT!!!

someone with bloody hands bursts into scully’s room and she must have her gun right by her pillow, and she gets it so fast, but it’s just lanny, saying he found mr. nutt dead... they truly hate to see a hard working entrepreneur in the field of hospitality winning 

the pin at the scene looked like something from dr. blockhead, so they go to his house to investigate and he is full of hooks. i made a noise like whAUUUWAUUHWAUH and mulder is looking intensely at what's going on there. blockhead goes on some cultural appropriation bs. um sir this is weird timing bur you are under arrest.

he gets out of the handcuffs- contortionist and escape artist! but the sheriff catches him by the hooks. what a KING! shoutout to this sheriff, formerly jim jim the dog faced boy, can we add him to the team? skinner are you hiring?  

just as our agents apprehend their suspect, we see that the mermaid creature is in the room with lanny!!! but... he isn't hurt?

OMG the twin inside him IS THE MERMAID??

lanny confesses to this when he asks how it would be possible to turn his "brother" in without turning himself in...and he thinks the mermaid fellow hates him and is looking for another brother which is so SAD but he says he’ll come back

is anyone concerned about the twin crawling out of lanny? well, mulder knows he isn't the man in charge here: “scully, you’re the medical expert… I believe you” yessir it's good to remember that!

the mermaid brother appears to have run off into the "tabernacle of terror" and mulder trying to hold a little evil mermaid at gunpoint is SO comical

their asses are lost in the maze!!! scully pulls a gun on a rubber skeleton that fell from the ceiling!

she's trapped in a mirror room to serve infinite looks in all directions, and it looks like mermaid baby is caught... she fires.. but it hits the mirror!! baby mermaid brother escaped!!!

at this moment, mulder slides through a trapdoor... and it was SO funny pls tell me there's a gif set of that somewhere because i need it...

baby on the loose... bad news!!! conundrum is being eaten by the baby twin…. but what if he eats him FIRST, i ask myself, and received an answer in the form of baby being gone and conundrum rubbing his stomach!!!! yassss!!! diva down!!!

the next morning, while everyone is searching for mermaid brother, we learn lanny died that evening of a condition related to alcoholism. we learn this while dr. blockhead and the conundrum are getting ready to leave.

and dr. blockhead's going on about the future, and how nature needs freaks, and in the 21st century everyone will look perfect… "just like him" (points to Mulder majestically posing by a trailer) LMAOOOOOO “imagine going through your whole life looking like that!!!” <- yeah it must be really hard....... /s

at last, conundrum and blockhead are taking off into the great unknown... scully points out he doesn't look too good…. CONUNDRUM TALKS???? “probably something I ate", he says. LMAOOO his voice is sooo normal 😭😭😭

this episode had me laughing. we really had it all: exhuming a potato, scully's valiant attempts at lying, mulder hitting on a guy, lessons in ableism and judgement, a man who eats crickets and fish, flirting over case details, a dog, scully doing magic, mulder running in the florida heat dressed like it was a new england winter. truly i have nothing that could be added.

and did i have a secret evil mermaid twin on my list of probably monsters of the week? no, i cannot say that i did! was it the most compelling or scary of creatures? not really! but i was filled with whimsy. cannibalism saved the day. an excellent episode, and a perfect contrast to earlier in the season when scully was literally About To Die and i was crying a lot over the whole thing. ah, the duality of TV shows!

[weaseltotheface]

Here's a question....

[kjzx]

So, lesson learned: the calico eggs from the calico festival don't get saved after it ends and hence can't be used next year, I just spent 3 days mostly in the caves earning a currency I didn't end up spending 🙃 (150+whatever the adventure guy would've given me for gathering like 10+ eggs in the caves on the last day)

[sksninja]

Having an absolute normal one while waiting for TotK

So for some goddess-forsaken reason while running around in BotW, I had the thought over how much in game time it would take to get from one area of the map to the other.

I mean, it’s a pretty big map yea? How long would it take Link to get around if teleporting wasn’t an option?

So I started with going from the Great Plateau to the Dueling Peaks Stable.

It took 8.5 in-game hours to run from one end to the other when stopping to fight monsters. It took 6.5 to run once the path had been cleared. 

It took 19.5 in-game hours to walk (moving while crouched is comparable to slightly moving the control stick to walk so I was able to save my thumbs thank Hylia), and thanks to a “convenient” blood moon I also learned it takes 23.5 hours when you need to fight off those monsters that see you.

Trotting on horseback (faster than a walk, slower than a gallop) also took 6.5 hours. So running is about equal to casual horse-riding. Good to know! Galloping took 4 in-game hours (walking on horseback is slower than Link’s walking pace so I decided I didn’t need to know that one).

But I also realized that horse gallop-speed varies based on the horse! So this called for more testing.

But wow. The scenery is getting stale.

Lets switch it up by going from Dueling Peaks Stable to Hateno!

On a two-star speed horse it took 4.5 in-game hours; three-star was 4; and four-star was 3.

Oh what else? Lets go from the stable to Kakariko!

That’s closer so lets take it easy with a nice horse trot. 4 hours. Which is also equal to Link running on foot. Nice.

Another scenery change! How about the Outskirts Stable to the Lost Woods entrance?

Travel speed? Trotting on horseback does seem like a realistic traveling pace, so let’s stick with that. 3 hrs. Cool.

What next, what next... How about travel between stables! Let’s do Outskirt Stable to Gerudo Stable.

Hmm, and we’ve been spoiling ourselves with that horse auto-pathing. Let’s WALK. Even having pre-cleared the path of monsters, walking took 27 in-game hours. OOF.

So yea. I’m having fun. What am I doing with this information? Well so far I’ve a bunch of messy hand-written notes on some scrap cardboard. And then I made this tumblr post. Maybe I’ll make a spreadsheet (I like those).

And hey, BOTW FIC WRITERS. Do you want to know how long it would take to get from one point of the map to the other at whatever traveling speed? Want me to include things like resting for meals or nighttime or waiting out the rain? I’LL FUCKING DO IT. Just throw me reply/comment/ask. I’m basically looking for a reason here.

And in the meantime, I’ll keep up with the game file I got going where I make Link actually GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP at night (or at least resting by a fire and pretending he’s sleeping), and am keeping a tally of how many in-game days it takes me to rescue Zelda. So far I’ve activated all towers, made it to all towns, and calmed Vah Ruta. It’s been 79 in-game days. There have been 7 blood-moons. Our boy is so well rested 😌

[byanyan]

college verse updates, developments, & additional headcanons

ㅤhigh school is finally done and over with and, to the surprise of many, byan has successfully graduated rather than failing and dropping out. not only that but, with the help of both lena, who has effectively become their big sister, and their boyfriend sol, they've been accepted into the fashion design program at the local community college. the program is only for an associate degree, so they'll only be studying for two years, but it gives them both time to decide if they want to continue their studies at another school afterward, as well as opportunities to get a job in the fashion industry by the end of those first two years regardless of whether they choose to pursue a bachelor's.

ㅤwith both of them starting college and officially becoming adults, and byan trying to work out housing now that they're out of the foster care system and the group home wants them out, sol suggests that they get their own place together. he has some money saved away from working throughout high school and still has a steady job, so he can afford it. although byan doesn't like the idea of him having to pay all the rent and bills on his own with everything he spent so long saving up, moving in with their boyfriend and finally having a place to call their own is a lot more appealing than sharing a dorm room with someone. so... they find an apartment together to call home.

ㅤdespite not wanting sol to be the only one supporting the both of them, byan refuses to get a typical job. they do, however, contribute whatever cash they can — usually money they've pickpocketed or otherwise stolen in some way, but occasionally what they've earned through various odd (usually criminal in some way) jobs, through selling things they've stolen, and through scamming people on dating apps. a few months into them both starting their classes, however, byan opens a shop on etsy to sell clothes and accessories they make in order to earn a bit more money. although quite niche, all the pieces they make being suited to their own fashion tastes, the shop ends up becoming fairly successful with those seeking alternative fashion and they start making decent money out of it, even taking on the odd commission for people willing to pay a little more. ㅤㅤ»ㅤsol helps them manage the shop, taking on most of the customer service for them after a few incidents where byan's communication with "ungrateful assholes" resulted in their page being reported several times. he also lends a hand in some of the packaging and mailing process.

ㅤnow that they're more interested in the content of their classes, they skip a lot less than they ever did in high school. they still blow classes off here and there, but they actually enjoy most of what they're learning so they're more encouraged to not miss any of it, especially now that they can actually implement a lot of what they learn into the things they're already making outside of assignments. while they were already pretty good at making and altering clothes, their skills only improve through their time in school and their work starts to look more and more professional.

ㅤalthough they enjoy more aspects of college than they did high school, byan still finds themself discouraged at times. they don't get along well with most of their classmates and don't like a lot of their professors. they struggle in classes that require more reading and hate the assignments that take them out of their comfort zone or require them to make something that doesn't suit their personal style. they don't handle critique of their art or work well, especially if it's particularly harsh, and this in particular results in them being tempted to quit college entirely on more than one occasion. seeing it as a reminder of why they're not suited for this type of environment, how they don't belong here, as proof that they're wasting their time, it often leads to them lashing out and falling back on the numerous bad habits they continue to maintain in order to cope.

ㅤthey also find themself struggling with a lot of aspects of adulthood. while they've been very independent through most of their life, supporting themself when no one else would, it's become a lot more difficult and a lot more stressful now that they have more responsibilities and now that there are more consequences for failing in those responsibilities. ...and a lot more consequences when they get caught breaking the law. fortunately, they have sol to help support them and keep them from spiralling as badly as they surely would were they alone. they're learning and adjusting together, and byan takes a great amount of comfort in knowing they don't have to figure things out on their own anymore.

ㅤat some point, byan ends up finding an injured stray (verging on feral) black cat and brings her home to fix her up and give her a safe place to stay while she heals. giving her the name 찌개 / jjigae (찌찌 / jjijji for short) due to her spicy personality, they soon end up simply adopting her with sol's agreement. it takes some time for her to get comfortable in the apartment and around both of them, but eventually she becomes quite affectionate. ...mostly with sol. although byan was the one to bring her home and treat her injuries, she remains much more feisty with them, resulting in them often calling her ungrateful (affectionately. mostly.) and getting in many little disputes with her.

ㅤsome time after that, sol ends up bringing home a stray he finds in the alley behind the coffee shop he works in and they adopt her as well. giving her the name 모모 / momo, she's a much more agreeable and quiet cat than jjijji and settles in much faster. fittingly, she chooses byan as her favourite, which results in them feeling less left out when jjijji practically mocks them (according to them, anyway) by stealing all of sol's attention for herself.

[trans-leek-cookie]

Brennan Lou and Siobhan upon finding the door locked

[hertwood]

this is my ranking for any1 curious btw

[drainbangle]

i just want to say that i ADORE your throne redesign. there's something so very shaped about it that i cant quite put my finger on.

oh thank you! yeah i remember i wanted to make her look more sleek like a snake + making it more... practical(?) but still attractive/fashionable hehe

[mister13eyond]

I got one of those thotty little tank top crop tops from target and it's a fuckin VIBE

[giantkillerjack]

Gods I'm so glad I have the power to draw stupid ridiculous things. I've had two ideas in the last week for art pieces that made me cackle like a little gremlin for 30 minutes. And already, my decision to follow through on these ideas has been a great success!

It is very important to feed the silliness gremlin!!! Ze offers gifts of happiness and naturally occurring self-improvement! Should ze wither from lack of food, so shall artistic motivation and the joy I find in my craft!

So you see, it is absolutely vital that the gremlin be allowed to thrive and grow on a steady supply of shitposts and profoundly ridiculous pornography.

This will, in turn, help with my depression - making this fake isekai cover as well as this very dumb video game porn I just made into Medical Necessities, Actually. 😌😤🤡

[howdoyousleep3]

mama k I’m talking to someone on tinder, and at first she opened up the tinder convo with “hi pretty lady :)” and my praise kink JUMPED out at me and then I finally had the guts to ask for her Snapchat and she opened that convo with “hi pretty girl :)” and my praise kink jumped out AGAIN

basically I’m not sure if I’m looking for a relationship on tinder or just a hookup/fwb but I really like this person and I hope something comes out of it 😊

her bio says “sit on my face <3” so if she’s serious about that I think a hookup isn’t too far out of the picture

(Also had to ghost someone on tinder today cause I’m a lil suspicious of them and I saw some red/orange flags)

😮‍💨 Live your life, bb! Move with whatever you feel comfy with, with communication with yourself and with these people! Proud of you for cutting things off without hesitation when things got weird, good for you bby. 💕

[cheesecakeispog]

The way brennen realized was the best thing I've ever seen 😂

[youve-doomed-us-all-jerk]

haha the hossberg revenant boss in the fade

[sodacowboy]

okay but seriously this website has consumed me and I cannot work on anything other than these rooms